As a reintroduction to Wednesday’s post, I’ve been ‘egged’ on by one of my Twitter followers to answer some questions on the meaning of kindness. I like to think of myself as an expert on solutions to childhood bullying; my message being ‘kindness is the alternative to bullying.” I’m more of a novice on the explicit topic of kindness. The Dali Lama, now he’s an expert!

However, I’m up for the challenge by @benbenbeniii (who still needs to replace his/her egg illustration with a real picture and post a meaningful bio!)

But . . . if I’m going to write something in response, something that my follower might think profound, then the most logical thing to do is post it here and share it with not only my follower, but with the world! ; )

By the way, these questions asked of me are written here as direct quotes from my follower who’s asked them by @ mentioning me on Twitter. Can’t promise I’ll be able to blog about every question asked of me — this is a first — we’ll just have to see what kind of time I have! And lastly, before we get going, I’m going to make this a three parter because it’s gotten rather lengthy.

This next rather philosophical question, although not exactly posed as a question, sounds as though it’s coming from my Zen master. It reminds me of one of my favorite parables about the fact that struggle is necessary for growth. So the question/non-question is:  Ahhh, Grasshopper . . .

“Know that the #kindness is not the way I wished it to be but I hope it’s the way it has to be.”

There’s a farmer who loves butterflies and one day while resting under a favorite shade tree, finds a cocoon lodged on a branch. Everyday he looks forward to eating his lunch under the tree and taking the opportunity to watch the cocoon mature. One day he notices it begin to vibrate ever so slightly. He can hardly wait for the next day to see the butterfly begin to emerge. To his surprise when he arrives, the butterfly has almost separated entirely from the cocoon. The loving farmer watches the butterfly struggle to release itself, flapping it’s wings furiously. In his desire to help the butterfly get free, the farmer takes out his knife and opens the remaining portion of the cocoon. With this gesture, the butterfly drops to the ground, flutters a few dozen times and becomes limp. The farmer weeps.

What we can take from this story is that that kindness is sometimes difficult. It’s tough to allow those we love to learn from their struggles, we want to jump in and help them, thinking that we’re doing the right thing, but as we learn from the farmer, it’s not always the best thing to do. The butterfly needed the extra struggle from it’s imprisonment to strengthen it’s muscles for flight.

Tune in Monday for the last installment of the ‘Kindness Questions” and feel free to chime into the discussion (if there is any) with your own answers!

I’ve been ‘egged’ on by one of my Twitter followers to answer some questions on the meaning of kindness. I like to think of myself as an expert on solutions to childhood bullying; my message being ‘kindness is the alternative to bullying.” I’m more of a novice on the explicit topic of kindness. The Dali Lama, now he’s an expert!

However, I’m up for the challenge by @benbenbeniii (who still needs to replace his/her egg illustration with a real picture and post a meaningful bio!)

But . . . if I’m going to write something in response, something that my follower might think profound, then the most logical thing to do is post it here and share it with not only my follower, but with the world! ; )

By the way, these questions asked of me are written here as direct quotes from my follower who’s asked them by @ mentioning me on Twitter. Can’t promise I’ll be able to blog about every question asked of me — this is a first — we’ll just have to see what kind of time I have! And lastly, before we get going, I’m going to make this a three parter because it’s gotten rather lengthy.

So here we go, first and second questions (they’re relatively similar):

“Do you believe, beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the #kindness?”

My mother used to say to me on a regular basis, “Pretty is as pretty does.” I believed her then and I still believe it now.

No one is in control of your happiness but, do you control your #kindness?

I have to be honest, I’m not kind 100% of the day. I wish is was. I have little kids and we are often under pressure to get to a doctor’s appointment or a Girl Scout meeting or get dinner on the table and homework done. I’m sure I’m abrupt with them and occasionally answer their ‘why’ questions with, “Cause I said so!”

On the other hand, my kids get tons of my time and affection; much more time then my parents EVER spent with me! And face it, love to a child is spelled, T-I-M-E. We spend school days either doing homework or cooking together. TV and computer (of which the kids are constantly begging to do) are limited timed activities. Friday nights are ‘pizza movie night’ and Saturdays, if we’re not out of town with the kids or I’m not working, my husband and I spend individual time with one child so that we have a relationship with each  separately. Sundays are family day.

As for kindness toward others, I try to watch my actions. I’m always on the lookout for ways of being nice. In traffic I let cars in, I watch my P’s and Q’s, we do a lot of giving and I’m always volunteering my energy toward anti-bullying efforts. So the answer is yes, I work to control my kindness and I believe it makes me a happier person. After all, I have less to regret!

Tune in tomorrow for the next installment of the ‘Kindness Questions” and feel free to chime into the discussion, if there is any, with your own answers!

According to an article in the New York Times, University of Wisconsin, Madison, neurological researcher, Dr. Richard Davidson will benefit from a $50,000 grant by the Dalai Lama to study meditating 5th graders. The object of the research is to determine if meditation promotes compassion and kindness.

Dr. Davidson has chosen to focus on fifth graders because it’s the age just prior to entering middle school; a time when kids move to the next level of bullying and many begin drug use.

Imagine if the results are positive and meditation does promote compassion and kindness. Then imagine if young children, just entering the school environment, were taught to meditate and grew up being naturally kind, instead of needing to be rewired just before entering their teens. Imagine what a world filled with love and compassion.

READ STORY CLICK HERE

It doesn’t take much to get the kindness snowball rolling. A Waukesha, WI, 7 year old boy’s  random act of kindness multiplied his $1 into $3,000!

Joshua put a one dollar bill on a car window, along with a note as to why he left it. Jim Phifer who found it brought it inside the YMCA, where he was parked and donated it plus additional $10  to the Y’s ‘Strong Kid’s Campaign.” He then mentioned the story at a fundraiser for the ‘Y’ and from that came the outpouring of cash.

It just takes one act of kindness to lead others. We can all do something nice for someone today. We can all be the example for our kids to see.

Helping children grow to be the best people they can be depends on us, as adults, to set the example. Help them learn kindness in a way that brings it into focus inside their world. Here’s a list of activities that can be done within your community. Some of these activities have results that the kids can see and followed by lots of praise, will do wonders for their self esteem!

1. Take birdseed to the park and spread it around.
2. Visit an animal shelter and bring cookies for the staff and treats for the animals.
3. Give help to an elderly neighbor by raking their leaves or shoveling their snow.
4. Help someone at the grocery store load groceries into their car.
5. Visit a retirement community and talk with the residents.
6. Collect food for a food bank.
7. Give chocolate kisses to community workers like fire officers, police officers, librarians, etc.

Helping children grow to be the best people they can be depends on us, as adults, to set the example. Help them learn kindness in a way that brings it into focus inside their world. Here’s a list of activities that can be done within your home. Some of these activities have results that the kids can see and followed by lots of praise, will do wonders for their self esteem!

1. Use good manners.
2. Help with groceries.
3. Help set the table.
4. Help with laundry.
5. Bring mom and dad their slippers.
6. Let your brother or sister get into the car first.
7. Sweep the garage.
8. Unload the dishwasher.
9. Give your brother or sister the last cookie.
10. Clean your room without being asked.
11. Tell mom and dad why you love them.
12. Tell your brother or sister why you love them.
13. Tell your parents what you saw your brother or sister doing that was nice.
14. Tell your brother or sister that you’re proud to be their brother or sister.
15. Turn off lights around the house to be energy efficient.
16. Spend time each day with your pet.
17. Put everyone’s name in a hat for “you are special time.” Pull out a name and have everyone say something nice about them.

Helping children grow to be the best people they can be depends on us, as adults, to set the example. Help them learn kindness in a way that brings it into focus inside their world. Here’s a list of activities that can be done within the classroom. Some of these activities have results that the kids can see and followed by lots of praise, will do wonders for their self esteem!

1. Identify a person in a particular story that illustrates a kind selfless act. Discuss how the act changed others and how the characters felt.
2. Follow the story by asking your kids about a time when they were mean. Ask them what it felt like. Ask them about a time they were really nice to someone. Ask what they did and discuss what felt better, being mean or being kind?
3. Open the door for another person.
4. Help someone on with their coat.
5. Practice saying and doing “after you.”
6. Help with clean up. Clean up trash that’s not yours.
7. Pick up trash you see on the ground.
8. Make a new student feel welcome and spend time playing.
9. Have a small celebration for the new student.
10. Write a note or draw a ‘thank you’ picture for a parent, teacher, administrator, custodian, another student, crossing guard, etc.
11. Share a snack.
12. Comfort a friend who’s feeling down.
13. Look for ways to help your friends.
14. Tell your friends why you appreciate them.
15. Give your friends compliments.
16. Help a charity. Donate canned food drive, small change or toys.
17. Give a friend an anonymous card or drawing.
18. Bake cookies and share them with another classroom.
19. Put everyone’s name in a hat for “you are special time.” Pull out a name and have everyone say something nice about them.
20. Draw pictures for institutions like nursing homes, retirement communities, prisons, hospital, etc. to put on their walls.
21. Tell your friends what you like about them.
22. Draw get well pictures for kids in the hospital.
23. Draw pictures of kids doing acts of kindness and talk about what’s happening in your pictures.
24. Create a class kindness collage with scenes of kindness everywhere. Ask the students to say nice things about what their friends made.
25. Make ‘kindness wands.’ Show children how to anoint each other when they see a friend being kind.
26. Make a “Kindness Pizza” (cardboard divided into sections.) Have each child give a slice to a friend when they see their friend being kind. When all the kids have their pizza’s complete, have a real pizza party.
27. Create a classroom newspaper and write stories about things the students did to be kind.
28. Draw pictures to send to our soldiers around the world.
29. Draw “secret buddy” names from a hat and do something nice for your secret buddy without letting on who you are.
30. Intervene when another child is bullied.
31. Make ‘help with chores’ coupon books for parents.

Inherently we feel and respond positively to acts of love and kindness, but being kind isn’t something we inherently know how to do. It’s a skill that is developed over time, just like meanness is also a skill we develop over time.
The brain works by creating synapses or loops of neurotransmitters that hook together, and those loops develop over time. A simple example of this is: a baby begins to feed herself by creating a hand to mouth activity. Baby picks up food with fingers and with the aid of a parent, food goes into the mouth. Baby is rewarded by a taste sensation and voila, a synapse is born. A preschooler has a sibling that pushes him around. He feels pretty helpless and disempowered. Next day he tries the behavior at school. He makes another student cry and now feels empowered. Voila! Another synapse is born!
Giving the preschooler a time out for his bad behavior does nothing to disconnect the synapse. The time out will teach him that when he acts badly he will get a time out. It’s like telling him; “you did something wrong , you have to figure out how to behave better and you’re on your own when it comes to figuring out what that new behavior is.” If we truly want to re-channel negative behaviors, we have to introduce alternative behaviors and thus reroute the brain’s wiring. The meanness loop has to be replaced by the kindness loop.
Young children aren’t inherently mean — they just try on behaviors like they try on a Superman costume. Culturally, reinforcements to bad behaviors are everywhere. In an age where parents work at home and TV is the primary babysitter, who is monitoring what kids are seeing and the messages they’re receiving? Most parents think it’s safe to let their children watch the Disney channel, but even shows on Disney are prone to mean and snarky remarks. Who are the popular characters? They’re the kids with the meanest one-liners!
So what can we do about this? Teach kindness, teach kindness, teach kindness! Acts of kindness create more powerful feelings than acts of meanness. The movie “Monsters Inc.” opens with the city experiencing a terrible energy crisis. More energy is needed and it’s dependent on the monsters to capture more and more screams from human children by scaring them; although, at the end of the film we find out that laughter is far more powerful. It creates much more energy than the screams do. It’s just like kindness! Kindness is far more powerful. It creates a greater sense of well being and self esteem than being mean.

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