I was a softy when I was a kid — easily brought to tears (still am.) I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t sensitive. My mother must have thought the old adage “Sticks and Stones” would just snap me out of how bad I felt when kids were mean, but it didn’t help. Today, my eight year old daughter has the same darn sensitivity. I’m still searching for a way to remedy it and it still gets to me, although I’m older and can handle it bit better now. I tell her not to take it personally, that kids her age just like to tease and they’re looking for her to react. I try to convince her that she should take a non-plused position, say, “Whatever,” and walk away. Then she gives me the stare. I recognize it — it’s the same one I gave my mother when I was her age.
What I really want to tell her is that we’re living in a culture that reinforces the mean remarks and gestures that people of all ages like to emulate. Some people are even given their own radio and TV shows because they’re particularly good at sarcasm. In fact, advertisers pay big bucks to support shows like that because they have such a HUGE audience. Producers of shows like that call it ‘entertainment.’ I call it ‘dismember-tainment.” I’ve heard talk show hosts become so outraged because a listener calls in expressing a different point of view, that they become verbally abusive to the caller, then hang up on them. This is considered ‘GOOD radio’ and ratings can skyrocket after such an episode. It seems other listeners like to call their friends and tell them what a great show they heard. The problem with this kind of ‘entertainment’ is that listeners don’t know it’s entertainment. Many believe this is the way they should conduct their lives. They pick up a few snarky one liners and take license with bold and unjustified meanness, because that’s basically who we are. Monkey see, monkey do.
I just read an article about a famous person who talked about some things he’d like to see in his lifetime, many of which are humanitarian things he’s working very hard for. Unfortunately for this guy, he’s got a reputation for having done some things he’s not proud of. At the end of the article there was a parade of nasty reader comments. There were a few nice ones interspersed, but ninety percent of them were pretty ugly. Yet another example of people feeling the need to be funny, for entertainment’s sake, justifying their disrespect instead of commending this individual’s hard fought efforts to save lives.
But what makes me really sad is when this kind of behavior affects children. When the same kinds of comments are found on the Facebook pages of kids who’ve killed themselves because they just couldn’t take another day of not being able to understand why other kids are being so cruel to them. Bullying is monkey see monkey do behavior. It’s so prevalent — it’s so seemingly benign. To my chagrin, I understand the looks those kids probably gave their parents before they died. I understand their pain, I was one of the lucky kids who survived bullying and I hope my daughter does too.
The good news is that ‘monkey see, monkey do’ works in the opposite direction as well and it’s never too late to turn things around. Together we can raise our children to think differently. By teaching them kindness, perpetual acts of kindness, we teach ourselves. Be public with your goodness. Wear it as a badge of honor. Tell others where you volunteer, the things you do to make a difference. Be bold, be a monkey and maybe you’ll inspire others to follow in your footsteps. Maybe you’ll inspire others to follow your brand of entertainment.
