Bullies are a fact of life; they exist everywhere on the globe. We’ll never change the fact that one person is more dominant than another, but we can make efforts to teach kindness, help them understand their power and use it well. We can and should begin doing it from preschool age to adulthood. We can also teach our sensitive kids better coping strategies; better communication skills.
Our neighborhood school is year round, so my kids started their new grades right after the 4th of July. My 8 year old daughter began 3rd grade and my 6 year old son began first grade. My daughter has already encountered the bullies. Kids right in the classroom at her table were ganging up on her and saying mean things.
So let’s take a look at this behavior. First of all, they’re 8. When kids are in a group, even the nicest kids have a tendency to go along with what everyone is doing. Individually the nicest kids would never think to say mean things. There’s the opening. My daughter needs allies, kids that stand up for her when other kids are being mean. Kids this age, in general, don’t have the capability of discerning when to be the ally and when to go along with the group. I worked with my her and we did some role playing. The following are big concepts for little kids to understand. It takes a while for the message to get clear and a bit of practice. But kids are pretty good at getting the idea if we support them, so it’s definitely worth the effort!
Mom: When you’re alone with your friend Jane, tell her this:
“My feelings were hurt when the kids were teasing me. You’re my friend and you’re so nice, I didn’t think that you would go along with what they were doing.” (This helps Jane reevaluate her behavior, because in actuality, the nice kids never mean to be mean.)
“I will stand up for myself if it happens again. Would you stand up with me?”
Mom: Do this also with Joe and the other nice kids.
In my daughter’s situation, I couldn’t be around to know exactly know what transpired, but when I asked her about the situation, she told me that it resolved.
Younger kids need more intervention — they just don’t have the tools to communicate well. We can sit with them and feed them the words so that they get the practice. Teaching our kids kindness is all about communicating in a way that enables them. We can’t solve their problems, but we can help them build character.
